Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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