Jerry, you need to find god
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
