that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
