So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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