we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
