And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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