I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
