Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Actions speak louder than pants.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
