just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
