she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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