Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
