every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
