i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize