But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
