we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
