Your face is a jimmy john
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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