I don't usually arrange sex via text message
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
