If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
