I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
