we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
and you fell through a lawn chair
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
