Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
