Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I just gift wrapped bread.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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