Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize