So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Randomize
