grandma shit on top of the toilet
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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