wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I didn't notice because vodka
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
True strength comes from lack of pants
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
