Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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