so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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