Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize