Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
