His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
