Your favorite bartender is back from prision
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
