How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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