Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
