his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
