did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
