So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
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