You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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