Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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