Whats the glycemic index on semen?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
