I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
