had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize