booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
