Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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