my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
