There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
