how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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