I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
