I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
