Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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