My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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