can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
