why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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