i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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