This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
