I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize