It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
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