It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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