At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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