he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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