i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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