just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
