the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
